I have been feeding my script with survival mode adds for a quite long time now, and when finally being in a state that they have been serving their purposes and serving their time, they have now turned theirselves into bug as these coping mechanisms are not needed anymore so they are throwing my mind into error mode.

This was something that I was expecting to happen, but after being so into the survival mode, I didn’t know how to prepare myself properly for the sudden ”stop”, and how should I, as it has been basically like my second nature for a while now. And when something has been like that for a while, it’s totally understandable that your mind takes a while to adapt to this new, calmer state of life.

So long as an vision, and. When it finally crashed into becoming a reality, damn it really was a hit. Trying to describe it would be similar to the situation where you need to hit the brakes on a speed of 100km/h. You are definitely feeling it.

After (literally) hitting one more goal and checking off one thing from the list of your goals, it is important to let the feelings come but also go, as they are. It’s the inner deep cleaning session that it’s necessary to run through and get through everything that might be holding you down from reaching the next stage that you are about to head towards.

It can be one hell of a mind fuck to finally have stability in an area that has been so uncertain for so long, that when there is finally peace, the small voice in the back of your head might just leave it be and try to whisper in your ear ”the what ifs” while life is showing you ”What if this time, all works out?”. In the end, it is always mind over matter.

Rewinding my thoughts, relearning patterns. Letting things fall into place, with no force. Decluttering my mind but also giving the same treatment to my surroundings too. Taking a good look at what I want to bring with me to this next stage. Being like a plant which has been in progress to be planted into new soil.

Looking back on these past years, I actually wouldn’t change a thing. All the highs needed those lows, every stroke of win needed the lesson that needed to be learned. Every A-HA! moment needed that moment of facing the root cause of the problem. Every lie faced led towards a more beautiful truth.

If last year was about losing, I feel like this year was about learning and gaining. Facing the things I had been fearing the most made me numb enough to go through the pain while growing past the sorrow, guided by the fact that I have not come this far only to get this far.

And when entering the next stage, it’s okay to be in-between coming home and still having some growing pains. Like shedding the old skin that you have already outgrown.

Whatever you need now, take your time for it. It will pay off later.