”Everything happens for a reason” and I have been witnessing that sentence to be so much more than just words, for the past six months. 

Everything, I mean everything, went as it should have been happening, in its all heaviness and highlights. Its has been relieving to understand it as I have been reflecting everything happened to where I am now.

Past six months have also been asking very much of personal growth but also, really trusting that the phases I have been going through, that they really are standing for the next steps.

During this time period, I have been forced to face my biggest fear while my life did also took a big downspin.

In middle of all changes, one thing was coming on top of everything and while I was writing Start trusting your intuition, it knows the way 

I really didn’t know or understand how much on point I were  about it all then.

There is a little back up story, which involves the love and light of  my life.

Everything started last fall, when I were getting restless and I started get my old dog more and more strongly on my mind. Worries about him did came did come in waves, while they get stronger and stronger, and not leaving me be until I reacted to them, and booked the flight. Of course I had been missing him before too, but this time the feeling was somehow different.  Few weeks earlier I were also asked what was my biggest fear and I answered that without hesitate that it would be saying the forever good bye to my precious baby boy. 

Of course, there were also walls popping up during this too, and all the original plans were having resistance, and  time to time I felt like I shouldn’t be doing it anyway. Yet, still  I were haunted the strong feeling that  I shouldn’t give up on my plans. And just when I was about to give up, the travel plans were secured. 

Within past six months I also were facing plenty of health problems which made me stay longer in Finland than I originally were planning, giving me also more time with my old dog. The time, that would be in the end, ending up being the most precious period on that time, as it also were last moments of his life.

I were asked on the fall, that what is my biggest fear, and when I was about to say that it would be the death of be loved pet, I realized, that actually, that is a biggest fear, but the very next, my nightmare,  would be that when that would eventually happen, I would not be able to be there.  I were forced to face the most biggest fear to come true, while avoiding the nightmare. From to bad options, atlas I had the better one. 

My dog didn’t show any signs of bigger problem, until during the very last days. So there were no signs that would tell us how the things really would end up being.  I were told when I arrived that there was a little side noice on his heart, diagnosed on lasta fall – on the time that I started to get omens that something is not right – and I didn’t know about these things until I had already been able to get my precious pet on my arms. 

In the end, Im happy that I did follow my intuition, trusting it even nothing seemed to make sense. Because of it, I were able to be precent for my best friend, till the last heartbeat of his.

All the things before this, they have been serving a purpose. Even the time being apart, it also had its meaning. Even if I would be keep up questioning it, things should still be like like they were happening. Same goes on for the after math, I were forced to keep on going, the pain grief gets lighter by time while I’ll learn to let go, one piece of hair at the time.

In memorian of my beloved soul animal, rest in piece my love.